Queer Dating in Japan: Dos and Don’ts - GaijinPot
about dating Japanese guys, but I didn't see many Japanese guys answering. in Japan, I either get guys who are not at all interested no matter what (dirty I remember taking a contemporary dancing class in university. 18 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Dancer She will almost always break out in dance. She doesn't have time for jealous guys. Inter-cultural dating is already challenging, let alone when you include all the difficulties of LGBT life. Read on for tips on dating and communicating with your LGBT Japanese partner. Are you guys ok with being long distance? swarm there every weekend for drinks, dancing and debonair strangers.
Some of us will go through a hard time here in Japan. It might be a different story in bigger cities such as Tokyo and Osaka with a more international community, but in smaller cities and in the countryside with more traditional ideals it can be very difficult for foreign women.
I personally know a few couples where either the man or the woman is foreign and I noticed quite a lot of differences in the kind of relationship they have. Please note that the following is based on my personal experience and that not everybody out there is like that.
My First (and Last) Time Dating a Rice Queen - Queer Issue - The Stranger
Foreign man, Japanese woman: In relationships where the man is foreign I noticed that they mostly speak his native language. One big problem seems to be the fact that in Japan the man earns the money, but the woman takes care of it! The man only gets a small allowance every week or month and needs to ask his wife for permission if he wants to spend any more of his own hard-earned money! Foreign guys often seem to struggle with this system.
I noticed that those kind of relationships seem to work out better if they live in his home country and not in Japan.
Foreign woman, Japanese man: She has studied Japanese properly or puts in a lot of effort to improve her Japanese ability even if the Japanese man can speak her native tongue. As a result, I gave up on the idea that I would ever end up dating either kind of man—the gay white man who liked Asian men was likely not ever going to ask me out.
I remember dancing with a white man once at a club, and he reached over and pulled my shirt front down to reveal my hairy chest. He looked shocked and then turned and left the dance floor, not even a good-bye, like I'd lied to him about the goods. I like Asian men, he said, after this confession.
It's why I lived in Japan, why I studied Japanese.
I tried to imagine it. Having an erotic imagination so focused on one race of people. All that my ex-boyfriends had in common was me. Questions I didn't ask ran through my head.
It's Complicated: Companionship Dating In Japan - Savvy Tokyo
Were you even gay if this is what your sexuality was? What was your sexuality if it was based on race and not gender preference? Especially if you were white? We just broke up, he said.
My First (and Last) Time Dating a Rice Queen
I understood then he was on the rebound. He vanished after that conversation. We never spoke again. In retrospect, I think he was letting himself out of the relationship by saying these things. Either way, I think we both knew, after my question and his answer, that there was nothing further for us.
I left him some phone messages, none of which he returned. I don't know if he worked things out with his Japanese ex-boyfriend or what; I recall checking on him at that university and seeing at some point he had been given tenure.
Now when I look for him, there's no sign of him.
Remember that if you are expecting your Japanese partner to carry the weight of communicating in a foreign language, you will need to be extra patient if they happen to say something bluntly, or fail to communicate at all.
Always give them the benefit of the doubt and help them express themselves. Also, make an effort to learn as much Japanese as possible so that you both can have equal footing if you need to express something in your mother tongue. While I come from the perspective that living with secrets is unbearable and you should only choose to have people in your life who accept you wholly and unconditionally, my partner is perfectly happy to keep secrets from his coworkers and family.
Like many of his friends, my boyfriend is understandably afraid that being out would jeopardize his relationship with his parents or damage his career, both of which are very important to him. While it may be difficult, you will need to consider in advance whether you are ready to join your partner in the closet from time to time. That said, I wholly recommend meeting the family if you are invited, even if it is only as a friend.
It takes a lot of pressure off of the whole experience, and you can get to know where your partner came from and what kind of environment they grew up in! Like many of his friends, my boyfriend is understandably afraid that being out would jeopardize his relationship with his parents or damage his career… Do: Have goals for your relationship This is one of the most difficult parts of any international relationship, but one that is very important to think about.