Dating a younger muslim man – Whose Live Anyway?
Mar 13, Observant Muslim parents tell their children not to date, but how is a young look at this girl, look at this guy, it's like trading cards,” she says. Aug 10, This week, I spoke with Suraya*, a year-old Muslim woman living in “My parents know that I talk to men with the purpose of dating for. Oct 15, I was hoping to find a good list or article to share, and so here is what I looked up: 1) Reasons to date a Muslim man. 2) Dating a Muslim man.
But young Muslims have now taken it upon themselves to find their partners, relying on their own version of dating to do so.
How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves : Code Switch : NPR
Older Muslims continue to reject dating because they worry that a Western world will also create Western expectations of premarital sex in these relationships.
So the way that we label events or phenomena, such as dating, is definitely going to provide a certain perspective on what that means for us," he says. Therefore, taking on the dating vernacular to describe their relationship and labeling their significant other as "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" does put some couples at risk of falling into the physical expectations that come with dating, Hodges says.
But, he adds, these fears can be allayed because "the most important connotation that is borrowed is the ability to choose your own mate," which is also the main precept of dating in the West.
One way that some young Muslim couples are rebutting the idea of dating being offensive is by terming it "halal dating. By adding the permissibility factor, some young couples argue, they are removing the idea that anything haram, or prohibited, such as premarital sex, is happening in the relationship.
On the other hand, some young couples believe there should be no stigma attached to dating and, therefore, reject the idea of calling it halal. Khalil Jessa, founder of Salaam Swipe, a dating app that caters to young Muslims, also believes that the negative associations attached to dating depend on the particular society. When they take the word dating, they're adding this connotation to it, and I don't think that's necessarily the case.
- How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves
It's up to each individual and each couple to choose how they wish to interact with one another," Jessa argues. Getting to know someone and making the informed decision to marry them is not an alien concept in Islamic societies. Abdullah Al-Arian, a history professor at Georgetown University School of Foreign Service in Qatar, says that the idea of courtship has been present in Muslim societies for centuries but was subdued in colonial times.
When the British and the rest of Europe colonized much of the world, they also placed social restrictions on sexual interactions between unmarried couples, Arian says. These social restrictions also took hold in certain Islamic societies, with religious restrictions on sex leading some to go as far as segregating the genders as much as possible, including in schools, universities and even at social gatherings.
These practices began to disintegrate as women started entering the workforce, demanding their rights for universal education and pursuing higher education, Arian says.
Segregating because of religious dogma became harder. And so, as the genders mixed, dating relationships also took root in some societies. This, he says, further facilitated the imitation of Western relationships. Changing ideas about modernity, widespread urbanization and the West's cultural hegemony influenced something as intimate and personal as relationships, Arian says.
But the most influential factor is globalization. These "shared experiences," as he calls them, have given birth to third-culture kids. These multicultural generations are growing up with a "very different moral compass that is rooted in a number of influences; and not just the local, but the global as well," Arian says.
Before social media and the prevalence of pop culture, it was a lot easier to enforce whatever ideologies you wanted your child to follow. But as globalization increased, this changed. Young people became increasingly exposed to the rest of the world. Today, their ideologies and values no longer find a basis in what their priest or imam preaches but in what social media and pop culture influencers might be saying and doing.
Then there's the limitless online world. Dating apps and websites that cater to young Muslims looking for meaningful long-term relationships are easy to find.
Muslim Women: 7 Things That Might Surprise You
Muzmatch, a dating app launched two years ago, haspeople signed up. Other apps, like Salaam Swipe and Minder, report high success rates for young Muslims who previously had a hard time finding a partner.WOULD YOU DATE A MUSLIM?
Startups Cater To Muslim Millennials With Dating Apps And Vegan Halal Soap These apps allow people to filter their searches based on level of religiosity, the kind of relationship they're looking for and other aspects such as whether the woman wears a headscarf and the man sports a beard.
While the men behind these apps launched them with the hope of giving young Muslims a positive platform to interact on, they say there are still many in their societies that oppose the idea of young couples interacting. In the west you see women sitting together in coffee shops, leaning forward, intently listening, talking about relationships, family, clothes and cooking.
Muslim women talk about exactly the same things when they get together. I find that on public transport in the west, women in hijab are often more ready to chat with me than women in western dress. Western women are usually more focused on their phones or tablets. Dress choices that may look intimidating to us are usually about modesty.
And Muslim women are very often fashion-conscious. For example, in Cairo women want to wear bright, matching colours and patterns of dress and scarf. In places where most women seem to be wearing look-alike full-length dark coats, they give careful attention to differences of style, material and buttons, and subtler colour variations.
In Asia I watched TV programs showing how to tie headscarves as trendy fashion statements. And in women-only space, the most conservative black over-garments may be taken off to show designer wear underneath. However, when she has a son, and when her son grows up and gets married, that changes. A friend who had worked in the Middle East told me that whenever anything needed doing, or paperwork signed, they would ask the women, and it would happen.
Older women, particularly mothers, can be significant power brokers in an extended family. A Deep Concern for Purity This includes moral purity. Often they are worried about the risks of exposure to the sexual freedoms of western culture, and may assume it characterizes all the western women they meet.
Whose Live Anyway?
Feel free to share your own concern about living according to biblical standards in the face of pressure from the contemporary culture.
It also includes physical purity. Careful washing rituals are the means to restore purity. And defiled conditions affect women much more than men any kind of emission from the body, whether solid, liquid or gas, is a cause of impurity.