Crushing/Dating Second Cousins? - GirlsAskGuys
You know you're second cousins right?” Are you telling me that the dating pool where you live is so small that you're actually considering. However, first cousin marriage is far more common, and far less Further, if you include second cousins in the mix, according to the Clinical Genetics .. is dating our granddaughter, I thought they are cousins, way down the. We've all been single and wondered if we'd ever find someone. Hands up who thought about dating their cousin? In the UK it is legal to marry.
This differs among cultures and religions. Republic of Cousins is an interesting book tracing the practice in the Mediterranean, which is heavily related to keeping inherited property within the family. YOU'RE not crazy for feeling like this, because that's your culture and how you were raised to perceive these things, along with the issue of possible genetic problems a couple generations down the line.
The question is why the fact that other cultures engage in this makes you feel defensive and "crazy" for feeling otherwise. The idea, as I recall, is that cousins represent a level of similarity that is close, but not too close as it would be for a sibling or parent. Now, this has not been my experience either, but it's not so odd as you make it out to be.
After all, many people's first romantic encounters, even in the west, are with their cousins. Additionally, what's defined as a cousin - or relative, at least - is also defined culturally. In traditional Navajo culture, you don't marry within your clan, even if your potential partner is entirely unrelated to you by blood, because culturally, that is the same as marrying your sister or brother.
No instinctive horror, certainly. All it means to me is an interestingly part-collapsed family tree and a reason to joke about being slightly inbred.
I recall reading somewhere that unrelated persons who were born and grew up in Israeli kibbutzim, where the practice was to raise all children together in communal "children's houses", feel a certain degree of revulsion at the idea of having sexual relationships with one another.
Emotionally, they are akin to siblings. Cousins often grow up rarely seeing one another and barely knowing one another. If such is the case, the revulsion might not manifest. If the revulsion does not develop in the case of first cousins and they do marry and have children together, there most certainly can be consequences. I have a relative by marriage whose parents are first cousins. Hereditary hardness of hearing, relatively mild in the parents, manifested quite profoundly in this person.
I've heard there are are a number of genetic issues, including deafness, that are manifesting among the Amish to a much greater degree than in the general population due to first-cousin marriage.
It really is OK to fancy your cousin
As others have said above, it happens often enough that it's clear your passionate reaction is not universal. I've met cousins I thought were attractive and didn't feel like I had to go home and whip myself with a cat-otails because I was so horrible.
My former landlord was from a latin culture where the children got a hyphenated name that was a combination of the mother's maiden name and the father's last name. And his name was essentially Smith-Smith.
Crushing/Dating Second Cousins?
I wasn't aware of the tradition and asked him about it. Beyond that, what are you looking for, justification? I have a cousin who has never lived closer than 5, miles from me.
So absent the cultural imperative against family-member-dating it's not like this is someone I grew up around and therefor would associate with as 'family' as a knee-jerk reaction.
Do you not have cousins like that? Perhaps that plays into your strong reaction; it's impossible for you to imagine such a disconnection from a cousin.
Biologically two people can be cousins and have pretty dissimilar genetics. We'd still be counted as cousins if my dad and her mom had had different fathers or mothers. That's a big difference in shared genes, I'd say, and doesn't even address the fact that you can call someone a cousin even if it's purely a marital connection.
An isolated cousin marriage isn't necessarily a disaster, genetics-wise - I've heard that the increased risk of birth defects in the child of two first cousins is roughly the same as the increased risk of birth defects in a child born to a woman over Lots of famous and successful people married their cousins e. Darwin or were the children of cousins e. Marrying first cousins was totally acceptable in Victorian England.
Charles Darwin married his first cousin on both sides - though after they lost one of their children, he worried about it. In my own culture urban CanadianI would say that dating a first cousin would be weird, but not a second cousin so much; having a cute second or third cousin was considered to be a plus. And it seems to me that the taboo is stronger in the US. It's all what you were raised with. Marrying cousins is not hugely problematic from a genetics standpoint.
I am not taking a position on the appropriate degree of consanguinity at which the incest taboo should kick in, only taking issue with the idea that cultures which do not find second or even first cousin marriages terrible are ignorant about genetics.
Some aristocratic European houses did run into a spot of trouble but that wasn't because a couple of cousins got hitched one time, it was because of a systematic pattern over the course of many years.
My grandparents are first cousins I'm Arab-American. They didn't really know each other growing up. They got married when they were 16, had 10 children, and fled Palestine together in for another Middle East country. They were together for almost 70 years.
The Surprising Truth About Cousins and Marriage
After she died, he sobbed for months and then locked the door to her room. All of her clothes and jewelery are just as she left them. I bet her hairbrush is still on the dresser. Their story doesn't make me want to puke.
- Can I Hook Up With My Second Cousin? Dear Betch…
I actually think it's really lovely. But I also understand the culture. I'm also not aware of weird genetic stuff going on--also know that the risk is very small, though it's there.
But one of my mom's sisters did marry her first cousin--he was about 15 years older and they didn't really know each other. And they're annoyingly happy and in love and have 4 healthy children. I was raised in the US. There's no way in hell I would marry one of my cousins. And no doubt THEIR argument - my cousins are all super religious Christians - would be the burning-in-hell sin factor.
Again for me personally, two issues come up: First, this that Jenfullmoon referred to: I haven't been able to find the column in question, but I think this came up with Dan Savage once, and he pointed out that the major flaw in cousin dating was that if you break up, you still have to see your ex at every holiday and family reunion for the rest of your life.
In fact, Charles Darwin, Mr. Natural Selection himself, was married to his first cousin Emma Wedgwood. Nonetheless, the practice soon fell out of fashion in the United States. Although never outlawed in England, during the second half of the 19th century, many states began to ban marriages between first cousins, as part of a larger movement after the Civil War for greater state involvement in a variety of areas, including education, health and safety.
Researchers note that the distinction in marriage bans between England and the U. The most recent state to ban cousin marriage was Texas in For your reference, this increase in birth defect rate is about the same as the increased risk of a woman having a baby when she is 40 vs. Proponents here point out that few would advocate banning a 40 year old woman from having children. They also point to recent testing that placed the increased risk of spina bifida and cystic fibrosis at only 1.
Can I Hook Up With My Second Cousin? Dear Betch · Betches
If a girl and her sister. I have heard of first-cousin marriages going back generation after generation in some families. The parents of parallel cousins are also siblings but are of the same sex this chart may help explain. In cultures where cross cousins are encouraged and parallel discouraged, it is often an inherited taboo, passed down from when there was greater inter-marriage and inter-mingling among the members of an extended family — with a greater chance that first cousins could also be half-siblings: