How to Write Bitchy Profiles on Grindr and Other Dating Apps | HuffPost
When my team set out to find the bitchiest app profiles, we noticed a How to Write Bitchy Profiles on Grindr and Other Dating Apps Borderline Ridiculous Photos Taken By Employees That Are HilariousNinjaJournalist. We've already discussed what your Grindr profile pic says about you (with gay men, a picture isn't just worth a 1, words—it's worth all the. Grindr is used for all kinds of stuff, like dating, texting, networking, . that this profile was made just for fun, and I have to admit it's pretty funny.
The point of this message is, if you ever see this in your laundry room or in a public bathroom — run for your life unless you want to have sex with a gay guy, in that case, just wait. Or maybe you know it by its more popular name, Holland? Well, you probably already know that this country is one of the most liberal countries ever. For real, they were the first country to allow same-sex marriage, weed is legal there — people are open-minded AF oh and Dutch guys are like, super hot, FYI. But even though Dutch people are so open-minded, you wouldn't expect them to brag about how often they fist other people, right?
Good thing that's not the case in the photo above, just blame it on autocorrect and Siri. But, OMG, imagine how awkward it would have been if Siri somehow messed up a message that was meant for this guy's boss or his parents Of course it does, it's the matchmaker from Disney's Mulan.Things you see on Grindr - Alonzo Lerone
Even though it may seem like that's really her in the picture—or that the photo is just a screen cap from the movie—that's not the case. This guy decided to dress and put some makeup on so he could look like the matchmaker, and it really worked! He even has a matching description; "Look at all that dishonor! If you don't get many messages or think you're not pretty enough, just remember that quote from Mulan, "My, what beautiful blossoms we have this year.
But look, this one's late. But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all. Maybe not awkward, but cringy to say the least. Yeah, I know 'cringy' isn't a word, but it just fits. As you can tell, this Grindr user was at the hospital visiting his friend who was sick. Well, sick is an understatement. This guy's poor friend has a brain tumor! So, what do you do when your friend, who has a brain tumor, is lying in a hospital bed?
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You know, like what normal people do. But this Grindr user decided that it's the perfect time to get laid because he was horny AF while being around a severely ill friend? That poor sick friend definitely deserves a better friend, a friend who has his priorities all sorted out.
So, this Grindr user messages a guy, asking if he speaks and understands English, because he "looks Chinese" Of course, the guy spoke English, and was probably a native English speaker. But I have a question about the racist dude: I mean, "Thought maybe an English problem" is not a complete and grammatically correct sentence, and nor is "But we all good.
They need to stop acting like this and assuming things. We live in the 21st century! Even if the guy was Chinese, that doesn't mean he wouldn't understand English? Not to mention it was totally inappropriate to even mention. Trust me, the things they say are so dumb and make no sense at all — it's tragic. I don't know whether they're doing that on purpose, because they're trying to be funny and original, or are they really that dumb. For example, this conversation here, what is that all about?
How does one even reply to something as disgusting and out-of-the-box as this? It's seriously so ludicrous I can't even repeat it. If I were the guy on the receiving end, I would probably just send a bunch of confused emoji faces and hope that the person would elaborate on their unusual request.
If not, then I'd be straightforward and would ask what that means, because, damn, I'm very curious and I love lasagna. BuzzFeed To everybody who uses dating apps such as Grindr and Tinder, here's a warning: Just take a look at this screenshot. Come on, that's not something you should write, even if it's just a joke.
Just imagine if somebody sent that to you? Or something similar, like, "People with blue eyes are more likely to be killed than people with brown and green eyes.
Messages like this scream, "I'm a psycho, stay away from me if you want to live. Somewhere above, we had that conversation between a guy who was visiting his sick friend in the hospital who had a brain tumor, but was super horny.
And here, we have a guy who's grandpa passed away and after a long period of grieving a few hourshe decided to go to Grindr, to find somebody to be there for him during this difficult time He just wanted to get laid, he had probably forgotten that his grandpa passed away a few hours earlier. I don't know whether this is funny or if it's just downright pathetic. Okay, you're right — it's pathetic. Well, guess what — I have found another perfect example of that.
He just started messaging somebody, telling them how cute they are, how the person they're with needs a haircut, and how fast he's eating his sandwich! How creepy is that? I would not feel safe in that bar, or in that city! I'd block that guy, pack my stuff, leave the city, and never come back.
True, they could all be just a joke, but still, even if it's a joke, it's a pretty creepy one. Depending on what you smoke and how much of it you smoke, you tend to feel a little dizzy and out of it — but in a happy-go-lucky sort of way. And, according to this Grindr user, some even get horny. I have a perfect example of that here. As you can see, this weed dealer messaged one of his clients, asking if he could do a certain sexual activity to him.
But here comes the confusion If you use social media, such as Twitter or Facebook, you might have noticed this trend of calling attractive, sexually active older men "daddies. Well, this conversation must have been awkward for both of them. However, I must say I am very curious about the rest of this conversation if it even exists. You know what kind of people I'm talking about. They're basically not into anything or anyone that's not a mirror version of themselves.
But then again, what if it's not actually a fake profile, but we just don't know that? And if he were gay, he'd definitely be a bottom!
But, instead of flat out rejecting him, he decided to be a good guy by explaining why he wasn't up for fun. And the reason is pretty hilarious, if I'm being honest here. That's a big, big no. Obviously, the person who sent that last message has no shame, but damn, does he have any originality?
This is the worst question one can ask on Grindr. I was not being serious, of course!
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If I saw somebody from high school on Grindr, somebody I found attractive back in the day, I would have messaged them as well. I'd probably be a bit more subtle, though. Nick is a Caucasian Grindr user who doesn't really have a type, anything goes with him. His main goal every day is to find a person on Grindr with whom he shall sleep with. Nick doesn't care about your age, weight, height, ethnicity etc.
He just wants to get some action. And does he really think that D is a gay's favorite thing? Log off, Nick and I really hope he didn't sleep with anyone because he didn't deserve it. It's a perfect song to listen to when you are sad, heartbroken, or depressed or if you're just fantasising about finding your true love, like I am.
But that's not all. For example, if somebody who's, like, feet away from you Grindr shows distance of other users messages you, all you have to do is send them the lyrics of this song to let them know you're not interested.
Name-calling, discrimination, bullying, and violence are just some of the things. You must be wondering what all of this has to do with this Grindr user, right?
Isn't this such a nice thing to see? Have I also mentioned that you will most likely receive some weird AF offers on Grindr? Well, now you know!
Take a look at the screenshot above and you'll understand what I'm talking about. It started out as a, uhm, not normal but also not suspicious conversation, but of course, there was a plot twist unfortunately. To be honest, it took me a few moments to realise what these two guys were talking about and now I can't get that picture out of my head, FML.
Why did I do this to myself? So what does he do then? He decides to make the first move and message Dieringer. His opening line was pretty short; he just wrote, "Hey there. Aww, that's so sad! I hope that Dieringer overcame his insecurities.
I like to think that these two guys continued talking to each other, and eventually started dating, and are now in a happy relationship. Who knows, maybe somebody makes a movie about them once?
Call Me By Your Name: It perfectly shows how shameless gay people are. So, you know how in most countries healthcare costs A LOT? Like, why just lie in a bed in an ambulance vehicle slowly dying when you can get so much more? For starters, request that oxygen mask they always put over people's mouth in movies I mean, you need some fresh air too, right?
Also, if you think that ambulance driver is cute, ask him if he's seeing somebody, figure out whether he's gay or not, and finally ask him out on a date of course, in that case you can't die. All of that should be included in your healthcare, if you ask me. It seems like we have a very awkward situation going on in this screenshot. As you can see, one guy complimented the other guy, telling him he was cute. Very original opening line, right?
But hey, who cares about being original when it comes to Grindr? We all know what Grindr and other dating apps are mostly used for getting laid, and that's what matters. Anyhow, the other guy responded, saying thanks, but also adding that the two of them already went on a date before.
Who knows, they probably already slept together!
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- How to Write Bitchy Profiles on Grindr and Other Dating Apps
It could be that the whole experience was so bad that they both forgot about it.