Disclosing my depression/medications in profile on a date site? - dating meds | Ask MetaFilter
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I'm saying this as someone who is currently on SNRIs to manage anxiety and whose partner has suffered bouts of depression and has been treated for it throughout our entire relationship. Yeah, I'd leave it off.
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This won't be a big deal for a normal, intelligent person. The kind of person who'd reject you for taking psych meds is somebody you'd probably write off after a first date for other reasons, anyway. Worst case scenario, it is a dealbreaker for someone -- and there's reasons for that beyond ableism, IMO -- and you lose out on the time of a few dates which is maybe a couple of evenings?
It would make me think you were the kind of person who defined yourself by your medical issues, which isn't very fun.
The timing felt appropriate and I was not put off that I hadn't been "warned" in advance of meeting them. Including this information in your profile does not seem to be standard practice. It's like any other health issue--a dating profile is not the place for it. Like, it would be weird to see someone talking about taking prilosec for their GERD on their profile, but I could see it maybe--maybe--be used for comedic effect in a "favorite foods" section.
I understand, though, about wanting to disclose it. I've got a neurological medical issue that's really non-obvious but limits some things I can do, and I prefer to make it known early on, just as a personal preference of mine. A way you can do it is by kind of skirting around it as part of everyday life--it's not some bombshell to drop or a big secret to be ashamed of.
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But I certainly wouldn't lead with it. It's probably first few dates material, since it likely is a significant thing in your life that'll come up in some context, but you don't necessarily need to go out of your way to bring it up. No, no, no, this is nobody's business and would be an excellent way to sabotage your own profile. That said, my first date with my partner who I met online, back in the last millennium ended up being sort of a festival of "hey, let's talk about our depression and our medications and our histories" and while it's not The Recommended Way To Do Things, it was refreshing and delightful to be that open and honest with someone and get a lot of the cards on the table right away.
I think there's no reason to avoid the topic on a first date, if it comes up naturally. I would definitely try to get it in, in the first few dates.
Not so much for their sake, but for yours - if they're someone who is either holding onto some weird bullshit about mental health, or has for other more legitimate reasons decided they don't want to get intimately involved with someone in treatment, then you don't want to waste too much of your own time or emotional energy on them.
There's no reason to, especially these days when a significant chunk of the population is on some sort of depression meds. And in any event, as others have noted, it's medical info, which isn't appropriate for inclusion on a dating site unless its something that will be immediately noticeable on a first meeting anyway or that you might want to give a heads up for i.
Taking anti-depressants isn't one of those things. Disclosing it on a profile is an invitation to tragedy.
I'm not sure I actually know anyone who hasn't experienced some form of depression, at some point or other. That said - is part of the reason you're thinking about disclosing on the site itself that you're still recovering, possibly anxious about then feeling obliged to explain where you're at and what you're doing, maybe hoping this might head off other kinds of judgements about your life? If so, I think that's worth thinking through and developing a strategy for - maybe in therapy, if you've got access to that.
Because in that case, maybe the kinds of judgements you're anticipating are unlikely to begin with. Or, maybe they are questions that might come up for people, in which case it would help to come up with a way of answering them that's comfortable for you, and maybe also to think through handling different kinds of responses.
I think, basically, that the attitude to take is that a person for whom any such concerns are important is not the person for you right now. But as for disclosure off the top, nopity nope. I wouldn't be put off dating someone on anti-depressants, but I would be put off by that information being on a profile because, to me, it could show oversharing or not understanding of social boundaries.
I've seen acquaintances and co-workers on dating sites, so I know that similar people who I would not be interested in dating could still see whatever information I would put out there. If I were you, I would probably disclose early on, but after you met in person, and probably after the first date, unless the timing felt right to do it earlier.