10 of the best dating sites for introverts, wallflowers, and shy people
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And, if all else fails, use a paid dating service like Match or eHarmony. It's worth the money IME, and my guess is you're going to be pretty disappointed in OKCupid given its current userbase. With everything else, though, you really have to be more open to getting to know someone as a person and seeing if you are compatible and have personal chemistry rather than expecting that can check off a specific set of requirements.
You really don't need a huge pool of available women. You only need to find one. Experiment with the camera on your phone in different types of light to get a couple of decent photos.
Introvert Dating - The UK dating site for introverts
Sit or stand next to a window. There's also a list Does anyone know where that list is? Aiming for the latter group may avoid the problems you might be associating with drinking? Other than the drinking part, you sound a lot like me, and I met my now-wife on OKC after two-ish months on the site, with those very strict requirements.
Bars in my experience are default first date venues for that very reason. Lots of religion but no drinking? But you have chosen a combo that isn't going to work. A self-photo is fine. Make it a very clear, well-lit one where your face is clearly and completely visible.
Girls: Would you date a LONER?
Someone who is going to be put off by you having a self-photo would be way more put off by your lifestyle so I don't see a problem there. I would lighten up on that one if it were me. Attend some outdoor events, ie. Have them take 3 just in case, and if you really dont want to ask, get a camera extender thingie. Okcupid had a post about photos. Just don't take them in the bathroom mirror ugh. As for the drinking, yeah. My OKCupid profile says "drinks socially".
In reality I have one drink about every two to four weeks. I just finished the six-pack of hard cider that I bought back in the fall. So I think you need to be clear as to where your "no drinking" requirement falls. Is that "doesn't get wasted"? I just sent you something. I would think that someone who is on the "far end of the loner scale" is probably not doing the sorts of activities where one meets a variety of prospective partners.
It seems more than reasonable to me to give it a try, because how else would you meet people? As I'm sure you've read in other threads about OKCupid, online dating can be kind of a drag at times, so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't meet your perfect partner in a month or so. I don't think your requirements are too stringent. However, other than the kids issue -- which is so important for people in their 30s to be clear about with each other -- I think having the list of "not" requirements may cause you to miss out on some good ladies for you.
For example, there are plenty of people out there who are just not into drinking, smoking, or doing drugs. But they are busy living their lives, doing their thing, and they probably don't think too much about how they spend all of their time not drinking, smoking, or doing drugs. Then they sign up for OKCupid, and they answer the questions, and maybe going out to a bar once in a while with friends is ok to them or they don't mind if their partner drinks wine with dinner or whatever.10 Things Introverts Need in a Relationship
Of course sobriety may be a very, very big deal to you for valid reasons, but it's probably better for you to indicate that in your profile when talking about yourself, rather than defining your lady before you've even met her. Same goes for religion. There are many women out there for whom religion is not important, but they don't go out of their way to define themselves by their atheism.
Does that make sense? Each requirement will make your dating pool smaller, although it will still be nonzero. I'm pretty much a female version of you, so we do exist, but I think we're pretty rare. Also keep in mind that love is crazy and weird and you may totally fall for someone that doesn't fit all your checkboxes, but suddenly those checkboxes might not seem so important to you.
You may want to date outside of your requirements. The best relationships are the ones that allow us to grow. I have learned so much about myself and the world around me by dating men who are very different for me.
10 of the best dating sites for introverts, wallflowers, and shy people
Try it, you might like it. It is okay to want to date someone who doesn't drink, and it is similarly okay for that to be a dealbreaker for you. You do not have to compromise on that front. I haven't, and I am finding that there are many more people like us who would prefer a partner with similar leanings than people think there are.
Data, A Love Story: Your skepticism over requirements made me think of it; this woman has a very methodical strategy that is nothing without strict requirements. So, while you may only see a handful of suitable women right now, others will appear over time. I say stick to your guns with your requirements.
I don't think they are unreasonable. Since you don't have a timebomb ticking e. Well of course if you apply lots of stringent filters, you don't get many results. For one thing, you're not searching for women who leave the smoking, drinking, drugs, religion, and children fields blank.
You're not even accepting women who put that they drink "rarely" or "socially" and "socially" might very well mean "I almost never drink, but I think 'socially' sounds more fun than 'rarely' or 'not at all'. Until OKCupid decides to make the filters more useful by allowing users to select "-" as one of the options or allowing you to search for "not Tweak the filters in whatever way is going to let you widen the pool from the outset, then start looking through those results and apply your own judgment on an individualized basis.
There is no option for "nonreligious. Don't let these kind of arbitrary shortcomings in one website define your direction in life. I totally agree with this. Having done a bit of online dating, I find it much more helpful to focus on what I do want, and then look carefully at anything I don't really want and decide if it's actually a deal-breaker. For example, if there existed a kind, witty, attractive, fascinating, loving, intelligent woman who was a perfect match for you in all other respects but liked to have one glass of wine occasionally, would you NOT want to meet her?
I set my old, not fancy digital camera on time-delay mode and propped it up on some phone books. This enabled me to take photos of myself that didn't look like selfies.
Here in LA my go-to is the Griffith Observatory. It is always packed on a weekend evening with people taking pictures of each other, and no stretch at all to ask someone to take a photo of you.
Look for something similar nearby. If you go to meetups and focus solely on the single women, you'll come across as a bit of a creeper.
Instead, go to the meetups with the goal of making friends with people who share at least some of your values childfree, atheist, etc. Right isn't there herself, chances are some of the people there will know at least a couple potential candidates for Ms. So get to know everyone well enough that they feel comfortable inviting you to non-meetup social gatherings where some of their other friends will be present. Using some available statisics via google: Maybe rethink your criteria?
After all, nobody's perfect. I'd also be concerned that if I wanted to go out and be social, it would bother you. And finally, I'd be concerned that you'd refuse to go out if I really really wanted you to, once in a while. There are some occasions when you want to bring your date. Oh, and I guess I'd want reassurance that you weren't a proselytizing secularist, because I have family and friends who are religious and I'd want to make sure you weren't going to be all holier-than-thou at them.
Otherwise you'd sound great- I'd just want reassurance is all. And self-shots only never bothered me. That's usually what I posted too- my friends and family don't need to be dragged into my OKCupid profile! One big thing to remember is that your requirements on OKCupid will eliminate too many people you'd actually be compatible with. She's much more of an introvert, but once she warmed up and got comfortable things proceeded quite well While neither of us had mentioned kids in our profiles, I brought it up in conversation on the third date, and we agreed on that.
Opposites can and do attract. In your case, I'd set my expectations one notch above what they're currently set at - instead of 'no alcohol', try 'social' or 'occasionally' or whatever the next setting is I've forgotten, sorry.
People sometimes put that to not look like a person that doesn't go out to party. Finally, as a photographer, ask the person shooting you for some fun outdoor locations they've used in the past. There's no need to limit yourself to a studio. I don't think they are unreasonable either, but I have the opposite recommendation.
People don't like to pick absolutes. They don't like to put "no drinking" because they think that will scare away everyone. They put the religion they grew up in even though they are non-practicing. That is to say, people fudge towards the "normal" middle of the range. So you're going to go on some dates, and find out that whoops, "drinks occasionally" means parties every night. But you also might find that "drinks occasionally" means "almost never, and only when talked into it by the boyfriend," which is no longer an issue when you're the boyfriend.
You're also going to find that, if you really like someone, you'll be willing to be more easy-going about your "requirements. Maybe YOU will, you never know. Maybe neither will, but you'll get several years of happiness out of the relationship anyway before you eventually decide that's a deal-breaker. That's kind of how dating works.
You can't win if you don't play. By all means, try your "perfect" matches first, but don't write off the "close but not exact" ones. Dating sites aren'a mail order service for the perfect date, I realise they market themselves as such. Given your empty social calendar, I would get rid of the wish list and start dating.
Relationships are all about compromise anyway and you might as well have some fun learning how to do just that. I am introverted and my gf is extremely extroverted, and if there is ever a conversation where we are both there, people for some reason will just end up talking to her, which is great for me, because I hate making small talk.
I've been on several dates with people who said they were social drinkers but then just from talking to them it probably would have been more honest to say that they drink "often. I'm one of the ones who prefers someone with no religion so if someone identifies with a particular one I look to see how they've answered match questions about religion, particularly the one about how important of a role does god play in the person's life.
So it's hard to tell what you're getting until you actually have a conversation. Another is the people who put that they "graduated from space camp" for education - what does that even mean? Then there are other people who put down joke answers - one guy I was talking to had answered a question "yes" that he was waiting until marriage for sex, but then in the clarification box he said "only kidding!
I met my beloved on OKC and he had a picture of a dog in his profile. Pets are an absolute no for me. I went on the date anyway, turns out he likes dogs but is ok not owning one, and now he saves me because every time we go to my day's, he can run interference on Dad's large annoying dig and keep it busy so it doesn't bother me.
Use or borrow a camera with a timer. Nobody would need to know there was nobody else behind the camera. If you worry about your 'social calendar', this might be a good time to think about taking a class in photography or portraiture though you don't have to tell anyone it's for OKC.
I think this might be an issue for you. It sounds like you don't have a lot of experience in dating, and I think the best way to think of it is that not every date is a chance for the other to audition for the role of Life Partner or Long-Term Prospect.
It might even be good for you to meet with, if not date for a little while, people who don't fulfill your requirements. The childfree thing makes sense - at your age, there will be lots of women who want children ASAP, but there will also be a lot of women who are similar in outlook, and it doesn't make sense to compromise on that point.
But could you spend a couple of evenings with someone with a faith and a good-natured argument, or drinking a coke with an interesting woman who likes the odd shot, even if you know it's not going to lead to marriage? I think trying new things would be good for you, even if it reinforces the idea of who and what you want. Try weakening your criteria a bit. Sounds like ten awesome first dates are in your future!
They described themselves as thoughtful, honest, caring and fun. They loved nature, had lovely homes and buoyant bank balances. My first date was with an immaculately dressed year-old with salt and pepper coiffed hair who bleated on about his top job in IT and spent most of the lunch gawping at a group of something female students.
The next day I got an email saying we were not a match. I found it easy to translate: Rejection, even from a stranger, can cut deep. Pic posed by model] But I had learned a brutal lesson. There are five women to every man on these sites so even the most unremarkable men start to believe they are David Beckham.
In online dating terms, at 48 I am considered ancient. Even though the site I was on claimed to be for professionals looking for romance, a lot of the men are just trawling for sex. It is so easy to misrepresent yourself online. You may be socially challenged in real life but in cyberspace anyone can pretend to be Leonardo DiCaprio.
When I met William, for example, I hardly recognised the cultured, artistic and caring individual from his profile.